Funny and sarcastic one liners
Please, wait while I fetch my tiny violin,” said the person who wasn’t sympathetic. “I’m not being sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupidity,” said the person with a sneer. “Oh, you’re leaving? Please, take your negativity with you,” said the person who was unimpressed. “I’m not short-tempered. I just have a quick reaction ...Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it. One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. 87.19 % / 3600 votes. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box. One liner tags: health, people, puns, work. 82.46 % / 1354 votes. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it. 77.71 % / 722 votes. If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty. 77.68 % / 898 votes. Page 1 of 17. Absolutely hillarious flirty one-liners! The largest collection of flirty one-line jokes in the world.
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Sarcastic one liners. My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me. One liner tags: attitude, puns, sarcastic, work. 83.27 % / 531 votes. When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.Chelsea Handler. 6. "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."—. George Bernard Shaw. 7. "Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say ...I bet you a tenner we'd have a great date. I had a great opening line ready, but you're so hot I've forgotten it. I'm using my last 2% battery to send you this message. If that's not ...1. "I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it." — Bill Gates. 2. "No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early." — Groucho ...Advertisement Gender differences in laughter behavior and humor are just one of the myriad ways in which funny is a subjective concept. Statistically, men tend to get the most laug...As early as the late 19th century, comic strips in newspapers have provided some much-needed humor for generations of children, adults and adult children. Charlie Brown, Snoopy and...The Big Bang Theory had plenty of iconic one-liners after a dozen seasons of hilarious television. Penny’s questions and Sheldon’s sassy replies are proof alone in the sitcom's brilliance. However, when you throw in the additional help of Leonard, Raj, Howard, Amy, and Bernadette, among others, and the show was full of rib-tickling lines that are …These puns are like tiny vacations, whisking you away to iconic spots across Britain, all while tickling your funny bone. Whether you're a seasoned traveler or someone who loves a good laugh, these puns are a ticket to an amusing journey. Buckle up, let's have some fun! 148. No one Cambridge the gap between us. 149.A good sense of humor isn't just a way to make your workday more pleasurable, it can also help you perform better (and get ahead). A good sense of humor isn't just a way to make yo...Nick is the witty genius behind Pun and Jokes, a delightful online haven for humor enthusiasts. With an unrivaled passion for all things funny, Nick has dedicated his life to spreading laughter and joy through his clever wordplay and pun-tastic creations.26. "Trying to outshine a narcissist is like trying to outshine the sun with a flashlight.". 27. "Narcissists are like GPS devices that only provide directions to their own location.". 28. "If a narcissist ever apologizes, make a wish - you've witnessed a rare celestial event.". 29.Here are some funny thank you quotes to get you started: Thanks for being the cheese to my macaroni. Thank you for being the reason I smile every day. Thanks for being the milk to my cookies. Thanks for being the yin to my yang. Thanks for being the cherry on top of my sundae. Thank you for being my inspiration, my motivation, and my biggest ...15 Funny One-Liner Phrases For Self- Introductions. Self-introduction jokes can be tricky because they need to be short and sweet but also have an element of wit. Here are some one-liners you can use to introduce yourself with a laugh: 1. "I'm like Starbucks - I look good, ...Absolutely hilarious one liners! The largest collection of the best one line jokes in the world. ... One liner tags: sarcastic, stupid. 81.54 % / 311 votes. share. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. One liner tags: God, school. ... Do you know a funny one liner? Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is.I absolutely love Ambrose Bierce. The Devil's Dictionary is a collection of clever one-liners that make you think. Here is a link for the curious. This was always my favorite: CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.Short & Sweet Funny Mother's Day Quotes. 1. "Mom, I love you, even though I’ll never accept your friend request." — Anonymous. 2. "If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start." — Anonymous. 3.The Best One Liners in no particular order from the past 87 Years- The criteria were based on originality, cleverness, and how the jokes inspired generations...The librarian said, “That rings a bell but I don’t know if it’s here or not.”. A guy walks in to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks, “Hard back?”. The guy replies, “Yeah, little heads too.”. A woman walks into a library and asks if they had any books about paranoia.Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Classic Game of Chicken. U.S. Navy Warship: “Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision.”Aug 12, 2019 · 49. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”. Aw, how many decorative wall art pieces did this inspire. Just kidding, cheesy or not, this line has been repeated a number of times since the film's release in 1970. Run with him to a minute and 30 seconds to hear the line.Indian Movie Dialogue l Bollywood Tshirt l Desi Girl l Funny one liner l Unisex Long Sleeve Tee l Desi humor l Lazy person (62) $ 21.50. Add to Favorites ... witty sayings on shirts, humorous one-liner tees, sarcastic slogan tops $ 15.55. 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Dirty one liners. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!" One liner tags: communication, dirty, men, women. 79.76 % / 855 votes.That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. One liner tags: food, puns, sport. 86.35 % / 3731 votes. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. One liner tags: life, sport. 82.91 % / 5184 votes. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang ...When autocomplete results are available use up and down arrows to review and enter to select. Touch device users, explore by touch or with swipe gestures.We have rounded up some of the best collections of funny one-liners on life, funny quotes, hilarious captions, and sarcastic status messages and jokes. Here are some one-liners about life that will surely get a smile on your face. Don’t take life too seriously. Just laugh. That’s the perfect counterbalance to life. Also See: Funny Words of ...Sarcastic Ways to Say Goodbye. Have a good one. It was nice to see you again. Hasta la vista, baby. Later, haters. Give a hug, ladybug. I gotta bounce. Toodle-pip! Catch you later! See you on the other side. Take care, butterfly. Have fun storming the castle! Adieu, cockatoo! Blow a kiss, goldfish. It's been a pleasure and a privilege to …
Nov 29, 2023 · From witty one-liners to clever observations about social interactions, these quotes capture the essence of what it means to be an introvert with a sense of humor. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the humor that only introverts can truly appreciate.May 15, 2024 · Funny One Liners. “Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. – Dilbert”. “Always remember that you are absolutely unique…. Just like everyone else…”. “As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free…”. “Avoid arguments about the toilet seat…use the sink ...…
Reader Q&A - also see RECOMMENDED ARTICLES & FAQs. It is better to be one year older than one month late. Happy birthday. Possible cause: Sarcastic Quotes About Fake People. "Oh, please, keep telling me about your e.
Puns And One Liners. Check our Twitter and Facebook feeds for a joke on the hour every hour… Menu Close Indexes; 2023; 2022; 2021; 2020; 2019; 2018; 2017; 2016; 2015; 2014; 2013; Economy Jokes How many economists does it take to change a light bulb? None, if it was broken, the market would fix it.Feb 22, 2024 · Funny Friday Quotes for Workplace. “TGIF: Thank goodness it’s funny day!”. “Our TGIF menu includes coffee, donuts, and a whole lot of hilarious workplace stories.”. “On Fridays, we wear our most comfortable (and most questionable) clothes.”. “Friday: The day when we try to cram a week’s worth of work into a few short hours ...Sarcasm is the use of irony to convey contempt or to mock. I like to use sarcasm to do both. At the moment, the only person I get to spew sarcasm to is my dog and occasionally my rabbit when she feels like snuggling up under the desk. There was a time, however, when I worked in an office, a school, a library, and even a few restaurants.
Everybunny will crack up over these funny one-liners about bunnies, carrots and other Easter staples. ljubaphoto / Getty Images Feb. 22, 2023, 8:56 PM UTC / Updated March 29, 2024, 5:18 PM UTCTeenage Jokes One-Liners That Will Make You Laugh and Give You a Chuckle. Teenage life has many challenges, though aside from these challenges, teens are naturally funny, sarcastic, and clever. They have the ability to turn the most mundane of situations into something funny. Such jokes are best shared with friends in person, yet in place of ...
Sarcastic one liners. People are making end of the world jok Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. You'll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, and lie about your age. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts.19. Ross: "Rachel's at dinner with Mark, that guy from Bloomingdales. She thinks he's just being nice, but I know he really wants to sleep with her!" Chandler: "It's seven years ago. My time ... Here are some hilarious one-liners that poke fuThe teacher says “Spit your gum out” and the t Lean in, big guy. Another comeback that doesn't miss: "Oooh, you wanna kiss me so bad.". If someone is angry—or obsessed—enough with you, the insinuation that they in fact harbor ... Don't spell part backwards. It's a t Here is a delightful collection of real and light-hearted funny fitness quotes, capturing the joys and struggles we experience while striving for progress. "I've discovered the secret to success at the gym: It's to leave before all the pain sets in.". "They say 'no pain, no gain,' but I'm starting to wonder if 'no pain, no ...Not only is it terrible, it's also terrible. 13. I threw away my can opener. It was more of a can’t opener. 14. Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. 15. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves. 16. Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! TheSarcastic One Liners - Sarcastic Jokes; Sarcastic OAug 31, 2015 - Explore Mrugna Gandhi's board "sarcastic one When life gives you writer's block…. Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day; give a man a poisonous fish and you'll feed him for the rest of his life. I'm an archaeologist and my life is in ruins. If life gets you down, make a comforter. In the circle of life you can find happiness in every corner. Whatever you do in life ...Absolutely hillarious sarcastic one-liners! The largest collection of sarcastic one-line jokes in the world. All sorted from the best by our visitors. See TOP 10 sarcastic one liners. Page 13. One liner tags: christian, puns. 82.62 % / 3 Check out our funny one liner selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our accessories shops. ... Sarcastic One liner Shirt (2) $ 16.49. Add to Favorites Inflation funny one liners, Pay check plays hide and seek (11) $ 2.04. Digital Download Add to Favorites Funny one liner shirt, funny quote shirt, funny shirt for ...40 Hilarious Quotes From The Most Famous People. Neilas Šurkus, Saimonas Lukošius, Justė Kairytė - Barkauskienė, Jurgita Dominauskaitė and. Saulė Tolstych. 173. 9. Share. ADVERTISEMENT. Usually, in a group of friends, there is a long list of inside jokes, sayings, and remarks. They are often the funniest words and … Sarcastic One-Liners for the Office Drama Queen/King[Then we met. One liner tags: marriage. 82.59 % / 1668 votes. I askWhenever i have a headache,i take two asprins and The priest looked at the bottle and said, “Good Lord! He’s done it again.”. A drunk got on a bus one day and sat down next to a priest. The drunk stank of wine, his shirt was stained, his face was all red, and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading.Let's choose 35+ funny goodbye one liners quotes. The act of saying goodbye is not always straightforward ; the very notion of it makes one sad and wanting . But plenty of comical quotations may be used to ease the pain of saying goodbye , from cheesy proverbs to sayings that bid you farewell in a lighthearted manner . These quotes can help you ...